


Trick or Treat

by BicMomma



Series: Shades of Green [5]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Gen, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Humor, Humorous Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5081014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BicMomma/pseuds/BicMomma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They opened the door expecting cute children dressed as little ghosts or wearing paper-mâché masks. Maybe there would have been an adorably sweet princess in the group gathered... instead they got a Halloween full of tricks and treats.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trick or Treat

He actually felt sorry for the people at the door.

They opened the door expecting cute children dressed as little ghosts or wearing papier-mâché masks. Maybe there would have been an adorably sweet princess in the group gathered in front of them and instead they got … _well_ …

"Trick or Treat!" Gluttony announced happily standing next to Wrath, him and Lust. Envy smothered a grin at the startled expression on the couple's faces.

He  _really_ felt sorry for the people at the door.

Gluttony was dressed as a jack-o'-lantern, his face painted the same shade of orange as the material that fit snugly around his rotund body. Lust had painted around his beady little eyes black squares and then created a cheery jack-o-lantern like grin around his mouth.

Wrath had opted for something traditional. Something that all of the other kids were certain to be dressed as. And surprisingly they actually did encounter a few children dressed in the rags of a clichéd serial killer, their hair just as wild as the small sin's. But Envy doubted the knives the kids sported were real or had actual blood on the blade.

Lust didn't bother with a costume seeing how she was supposed to be the adult of the group. The only addition she had to her normal low cut dress and knee high boots was her favorite coat. Though with the way the ladies were on usual display surrounded by puffs of fuzz lining her duster, Lust could have been mistook for dressing up.

For his own costume, Envy took great pains to be even more outrageous than he normally was. He took off his head band and pulled his brackish hair up into pigtails to keep it out of his face. The skin tight mid drift top he usually wore was replaced with a black shirt with black and white striped sleeves. His skort was substituted by a black mini skirt that flared to reveal panels of white. His arm bands and wraps around his feet were swapped for black and white knee striped high socks and black tennis shoes. To finish the look, he lined his lips with dark lipstick and surrounded his eyes with a smoky eye shadow.

When he walked out in costume Lust, Sloth, Wrath, even Pride himself and their Master erupted into uncontrolled laughter at Envy the cheerleader. The Master was in such a good mood afterwards, she transmuted a set of pom poms for her cross dressing child.

"Are you going to give us candy or not?" Envy inquired with a cheery smile. "Because I know this really neat trick..."

He said the last part in his actual voice and he supposed he sounded scary enough because the four Sins had the entire bowl of candy shoved at them. The couple slammed the door behind their frantic retreat and threw every lock they had on the door.

"Can I eat them?" Gluttony asked as Lust divided and deposited equal amounts of candy from the bowl into their bags.

"No Gluttony." Lust replied patiently as the couple turned out their porch light.

"But you promised I could eat them."

"She said you could eat the next person who didn't give us candy." Wrath told him.

"But I'm hungry!" the Great Pumpkin whined pathetically as they walked toward the sidewalk.

"Here, have a Snickers." Envy flicked a candy bar from his bag at the creature's head. Gluttony ate it in one gulp midair.

"So what are we doing next?" Lust inquired. "We've gone to every house on this block, shall we move onto another? Or are we going to go to a haunted house?"

"I say let's crash a party." Envy exclaimed raising up a pom pom.

"I want more candy." Wrath said pouting.

"I'm  _hungry_!" Gluttony whined as Envy rolled his eyes.

"Alright, five more houses and then a party." Lust responded. She looked between her fellow homunculi. "Agreed?"

"Six houses."

"No, Wrath!"

"Wrath, Envy." Lust said calmly interjecting before the two sins could get into a fight right on the street. "We can go to six houses, but the last house will be one with a party."

A devious and sinister grin spread across the eldest homunculi's face. Children on the other side of the road fled. Somewhere an entire circus of clowns died.

"I got the perfect place." Envy declared.

"Trick or treat!" the three deadly sins exclaimed holding out their bags.

Music and the sound of laughter floated out toward the white picket fence surrounding the final house of the night. Beneath the feet of the four homunculi, lights from within illuminated happy little pumpkins drawn by a little girl's hand.

Gracia Hughes blinked at all three of them. Gluttony was too large for the costume to be anything but homemade and he would have looked strange if he were to dressed up as something else. A pumpkin, she felt, was an inventive choice for the obese man. She didn't like, however, the way he seemed to be looking at her.

Mrs. Hughes didn't understand why any child wished to dress up as a psychotic murderer. She remembered vague reports of the murderous Slicer Brothers and the strange case of Barry the Chopper. Her husband worked long hours on the later for the sake of his beloved wife and country. There were many nights when Maes would wake screaming but all of that stopped when the case was resolved. Many people rested easier since that day. So why was Wrath the tenth childish killer to come to her door?

She at first thought the cheerleader costume the young ' _lady'_  wore looked very cute. It wasn't until 'she' pushed a bag in front of her and repeated the timeless phrase "trick or treat" that it wasn't a girl standing in front of her…but a  _very good_ cross-dresser.

"Nice costume, isn't it?" Lust purred a hint of laughter in her voice at Gracia's obvious gawking of Envy. "A mutual acquaintance thought it was as well."

Gracia blinked and turned to ask the stunning woman behind the trio of terror who she meant when the Great Pumpkin spoke up.

"No candy?"

"Oh! I'm sorry." their hostess exclaimed and Envy chuckled.

"It's okay," he smiled brightly and gently pushed past her. "We're here for the party."

Gluttony pouted as he followed Envy inside carefully avoiding knocking Gracia down and was trailed by Wrath and finally Lust.

"I'll make sure they behave." she told the woman as she shut the door. "The Führer would insist."

Everyone had arrived for Gracia's party. Every year friends and family of the Hughes's would gather for Halloween and have fun. Fun included bringing a few pieces of candy for Elysia who was dressed up a fairy princess, the green in her sparkly dress closely matching her eyes. Fun also was dressing up in costumes.

Jean Havoc was supposed to be Casanova but looked more like a flamenco dancer with the way he kept placing a red rose in his mouth and offering it to women. Heymans Breda, who was dressed up as Alex Armstrong, was entertaining a crowd with his impersonation. Vato Falman's costume was Sherlock Holmes while his friend Kain Fuery was Watson. Alex Armstrong used to be wearing a pirate costume but upon hearing  _someone_ imitating him, whipped off his shirt, eye patch and captain's hat in one fell swoop and was now walking around topless.

Now Roy Mustang was above such things. He was a mature male specimen who was comfortable in any situation and could draw a crowd, mostly women, to himself without the aid of frivolous outfits of a false nature.

This wasn't one of those times.

Surrounded by two nameless women, Maria Ross, and Riza Hawkeye, all whom wore belly dancer costumes, sat the great sultan himself: Roy Mustang. Gracia had no idea whether all the gold around his neck and fingers were real but the blue jewel in his turban was too big to be anything but fake.

But Lust did not chuckle at the colonel's highly egotistical use of two subordinates. Nothing about him made Wrath snicker. Roy's outrageous costume wasn't what got Envy nearly rolling on the floor laughing.

It was one Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist dressed up as… _Envy_.

Complete with palm like fronds of hair and borderline trannie skort, Edward had ingeniously recreated Envy's look. Even minor details did not escape the alchemist. The design on his headband. The strands of hair that tended to stray into his face. The correct length of his shirt and skort. Ed even had the ouroboros tattoo on his thigh, something which Envy couldn't decide whether to be impressed or scared.  _What was Ed doing looking down there?_

"Hey I'm going to go mingle." Envy told Lust jerking his head toward Edward. Lust chuckled and watched as the homunculi sauntered over to their enemy.

"If you tell me your brother is dressed up like Gluttony I'm going to laugh my head off." Envy murmured in Ed's ear. In shock, the alchemist spun around then jerked back in surprise.

"What the heck are you…?" Ed sputtered a small tint of pink appearing on his cheeks.

Envy waved his pom poms at the alchemist, "I'm a cheerleader, go Team Homunculus!"

"What are you doing _here_!"

"Laughing at you right now." he replied with a grin. "You know you don't have the body to really pull off being me."

The pink on Ed's cheeks turned dark as he exclaimed, "I'm not trying to be you!"

The homunculi quirked an eyebrow and smirked, "Really. Outfit's the same, hair  _not so_ the same but good enough. You even have one o'these."

Envy slipped up one side of his skirt, baring his ouroboros tattoo and a good enough portion of leg to give everyone a show. Edward, face red as a strawberry, quickly snatched Envy's wrist and skirt, jerking it down to a decent level.

"Aw, did I embarrass you?" he cooed then leaned inches from Edward's face, "Or did you enjoy?"

Sudden anger lit the Fullmetal Alchemist's eyes then with an angry shove and a glower, Ed turned storming away. Envy grabbed his arm to stop him.

"What!" Edward growled and the homunculi smirked.

"Halloween is all about tricks and treats." he replied. "I had my treat getting you red as a beet, now it's time for a trick. Wanna join in?"

Ed was suddenly on guard and casually as he could manage asked, "And what do you have in mind?"

Envy motioned with his head toward the large punch bowl sitting on a table off to the side. "A trick involving plying alcohol on unsuspecting military officers."

A devious grin spread across the alchemist's face, "Y'don't say."

Already visions of sugar plum fairies danced in his head with a drunken Mustang , Havoc and sadly enough, Major Armstrong himself in a tutu.

"All you have to do is head to the shop two blocks over and buy some vodka. It's simple." Envy told Edward placing a conspiratorial around his shoulders.

"And if I get accused of spiking the punch? I'm sure the guy selling me the stuff will remember a cross dressing ficus."

"You won't" Envy said ignoring the teen's jab with a grin matching Edward's own. Two blocks away a hospital of infants began to cry. "If the clerk is questioned by anyone, Lust and Gluttony tagging along with you will make it point to me."

"And they'll go with it?" Ed was beginning to get excited about the possibility of seeing Mustang look like an idiot. Envy began to lead his enemy toward where he spotted Wrath and Elysia comparing their loot and candy with one another. Lust sat on Gluttony's shoulder nearby.

"Pretty sure." he replied.

"Hey Trannie." Wrath greeted then addressed Elysia. "I'll trade you two Butterfingers for your kazoo."

"Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful." Envy responded.

"Oh yeah," Edward couldn't help saying. "You're so pretty and witty and— "

"Finish that thought and you can forget about any help tricking Mustang!" Envy snapped and Lust chuckled.

"So to what do we owe the honor of a visit from the Fullmetal Abomination?" ?" Lust asked merging both Ed's and Envy's nicknames together with a little amused smile. Wrath and Elysia wandered off for some privacy during their transactions.

"Ed needs to complete his Envy costume by having you and the pumpkin man go with him to buy some vodka." Envy told her. "He doesn't want to get caught pranking his commanding officers."

"Gluttony, shall we help the Fullmetal Abomination?" Lust chuckled huskily. Gluttony smiled and twenty circuses found themselves short of clowns.

"Hehe, trick or treat!"

The sexy sin rose to her feet and slinked toward the door. Gluttony happily followed Lust and Ed trailed after them both.

"Go Team!" Envy exclaimed with a happy smile shaking his pom poms after them.  _Now where did I put it…_

An hour later, as he lay in Hawkeye's lap, Sheik Roy Mustang moaned on about happier days while Riza nodded as she smoothed his hair back. Gracia in between giggling was pointing at Maria Ross and the two other women who were attempting to belly dance.

Now not only was Armstrong topless but so was Breda and both were belting out duets before a passed out Falman and Fuery who were cuddled up to one another. Denny Brosh arrived shortly after the punch was spiked dressed as a dog and now literally was sniffing after Ross.

Safe and sound in a corner, Edward and Envy cackled at the drunken adults while Lust and Gluttony oversaw Elysia and Wrath's business dealings.

"Al would have loved this." Edward exclaimed as Elysia traded a yoyo for ten pieces of taffy. "Well at first he'd be mad and horrified but after awhile he'd love it."

"Where is Al? I'm surprised he's not here with you." Envy asked as Ross tripped over her 'dog' and scolded him most fiercely.

"He's back home with my automail mechanic." Ed replied as Brosh began rolling around the floor. "There's a festival there that they couldn't miss."

"Careful Edward." Envy said as Wrath gave Elysia a spider ring for two jawbreakers. "You'll end up losing your girlfriend to your much taller brother."

" _Who are you calling_ — !" Edward screamed before a swift fist to the face silenced and knocked him unconscious. Elysia and Wrath glanced up from their deal at the same moment Lust looked over at Edward's slumped body.

"I've  _always_ wanted to do that." Envy announced with a gleefully smile. Elysia and Wrath went back to trading as Lust merely smiled.

"Lieutenants Ross and Havoc called in sick." Hawkeye announced the next morning. Unlike Mustang who was slumped at his desk groaning about his hang over, the lieutenant went on with her work diligently.

The first case of the day was discovering the identity of the person who spiked the punch. Mustang had personal investment in this case due much to the horrible hangover and had personally interviewed everyone who was there.

Fuery was eliminated due to the fact that he had to be taken to the hospital after being unable to keep water or crackers down. When interviewed it was discovered he only had one cup of spiked drink. Falman was also eliminated after he revealed waking up at Fuery's place…in Fuery's bed. It was him who took the poor man to the hospital.

Brosh was still wearing his dog costume when he blearily answered the door. One eye was so bloodshot, he almost appeared alien. The other was black and swollen shut. Mustang determined he seemed to be hiding something and after much pressure Brosh revealed a vague memory of feeling Maria Ross up, thus the reason behind the black eye he sported.

Breda wasn't found at his place but was instead discovered at the Armstrong estate. A small clue was revealed while Roy interviewed Armstrong. The muscle man recalled someone with green hair hanging around the punch bowl around the time it was spiked.

The colonel then moved onto Havoc who was found to have company and after the woman left, Roy asked about the green haired person. Mustang learned that there was only two people who matched the description: a unknown female dressed as a cheerleader and Edward, who jokingly dressed up as one of the homunculi he fought with.

Mustang then remembered there was a store that sold liquor a few blocks from Gracia's and went to interview the clerk.

"Yeah I saw'em." the older man told him. "Short, dressed like a girl but it was a guy."

Mustang began to see red.  _How_ ** _dare_** _Edward pull a prank like that!_ Sure it was amusing to wake up surrounded by women, one being Riza Hawkeye. However Roy woke up on Gracia's living room floor to little Elysia asking her mother what one of the women was doing to Uncle Roy's pants.

Mustang later found drool stains don't come out of silk.

"And  _dang_ was that woman with him  _hot_." the clerk said drawing the colonel out of his murderous thoughts. "Smokin' hot. I wish I was that fat guy she was petting. But eh, poor thing was dumb as a brick, kept saying trick or treat and laughed real creepy like."

Mustang took the information he gathered to Edward, who was staying at a hotel not far away. At his room, the colonel picked up a large envelop addressed to his subordinate before knocking. Edward answered almost immediately.

"Wild party last night eh?" Ed inquired rubbing his slightly swollen jaw. "So what brings you?"

"Found out who spiked the punch and with what."

"R-really."

"Looks like the real Envy crashed Gracia's party and pulled one heck of a prank on all of us." Mustang told him. "He went to a liquor store, snuck into the party and then poured some vodka in the punch. After that who knows what happened. What do you remember?"

"Armstrong and Breda serenading Fuery." Ed replied and Roy laughed tossing the teen his mail.

"I'm just glad nobody took pictures." Mustang said as he left. "Can you imagine the ammo those picture could give a person?"

As Roy shut the door, Ed swore and wished he had thought of taking pictures. He looked down at the envelop the colonel tossed him, not recognizing the handwriting addressed to him. With a frown he dumped the contents on his bed.

A picture of Roy jauntily lounging in Hawkeye's arms while Ross danced in the background greeted him. Ed's eyes lit up with glee as he spotted another picture, this time of Fuery and Falman asleep in one another arms.

He shifted through pictures after picture of last night's events. Armstrong singing with Breda. Hawkeye belly dancing while Gracia pointed and laughed. Jean kissing a random woman. Falman and Fuery toasting one another.

And then there were pictures of the main jokers themselves. There was a shot of Elysia and Wrath trading for candy and toys. Lust dancing with Brosh. Envy waving a pom pom as he sat on Armstrong's shoulder while the man sang. And then a shot of Edward laying unconscious on Gluttony's stomach.

Along with the pictures, Edward found a small envelop with the words "trick or treat" jauntily written on the front and opened it with a smile.

" _Thought after punching you to cut short your rant, you'd enjoy evidence of our little trick and treat. Had fun, we should do it again next year. Signed Envy."_

" _P.S. Tell Gracia Wrath has her daughter's fairy wings so that next year he can be a fairy princess too."_


End file.
